Aunt Dotty

Well, my friend, Pinky, we are in the same boat. The waves are crashing, and we're getting wet with others' spit. I understand completely what you wrote in your last post.

People question. All the time. We've gotten:

"So, when are you and Ricky going to have kids?"

"Do you and Ricky even want kids?"

"Are you and Ricky thinking about having kids?" (As if a brain wave can create a child. Really?!?)

Here's what I'd love to say:

Ricky and I hump like rabbits, but we don't reproduce effectively as they do! There, are you happy now?

Alas, here's what I really say:
"Well, in God's timing."

It is SO easy to get absorbed in your own world. Thoughts about not being able to conceive, when others around you are popping out kids like pastry from a toaster.

The hardest part? We've been trying for three years. Yes, three. So, now, friends are not only done having their first, but they've already had child #2 or are starting on #3 or higher.

Even harder? I have some friends/family who brag about being fertile. That's like bragging to a poor guy on the street that you're a millionaire and walking away without helping him out.

Am I bitter? Yes. People have no idea how they hurt you. Words spoken can't be erased from the heart.

Lesson learned:

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. ~Matthew 7:6

What does this mean in relation to my venting?

I've learned not to share things with people that don't understand/care. I'm not going to throw my valuable reasons for why we can't have children to those who would be judgmental/heartless. So, very few people even know.

Pinky is one of the few who does. I know she keeps that secret locked away and prays daily for us. For that, I am every grateful. Pinky, you are no pig!

SO, to make this post even longer. Here's what God is teaching me:

1. Forgive(it's SO hard).
2. Rejoice with them that rejoice.
3. Weep with them that weep.
4. Do for others and don't focus on self.
5. Pray--a lot!

Why did I title my post "Aunt Dotty"? I'm on the dot. Yes, my period has come--again!