Yesterday, a good friend of mine had a baby, her second. When she had her first child, The Brain and I were deep in the throes of infertility, and her labor and delivery were harder on me than I think they were on her. It just hurt, to know that in a matter of hours she would be holding her precious child, while I couldn't even get pregnant.
This time around, it hasn't been so bad. And for that, I am extremely grateful to God because reliving infertility memories is not pleasant. But, I still feel this twinge of she has a second baby and I don't know that I can get pregnant again.
I know there are lots of women who can't even get pregnant with a first child, let alone even think about a second one, so in some ways I hate to even write this post. But, I need to get it off my chest, and I think most of you readers will understand.
You see, because my friend and her family are known throughout our little community, inevitably the questions will come even faster now about The Brain and I helping to populate the earth again. Those questions have already come to some degree, but now I am sure they will come with more intensity. Especially because my sweet friend is related to me. People don't mean to, I'm sure, but there have always been comparisons between us. How we got married first, but they got pregnant first. How we have one child and now they have two. It's not their fault, and they are following God's plan for their lives, so I don't fault them at all. It's just that other people don't always realize that God doesn't plan the same thing for each married couple. I get that the Bible tells us to "be fruitful and multiply," but obviously, some people struggle with infertility, which came into the world because of sin, so if you're trying the best you know how, can you really be out of God's will if you're not able to get pregnant?
I realize that was kind of rambly, but infertility sucks. The Brain and I have had sex several times in my cycle when I was most fertile, including one cycle that was right before ovulation, and we haven't gotten pregnant. We're not trying to get pregnant, but we're not not trying; we're just leaving it up to God. I know many couples who would have gotten pregnant from that, including the friend I mentioned earlier. For some reason, my body won't do that.
The Brain had the best response to the question last night, when his grandpa brought up the fact that "The Cute One needs a little brother." He replied this way:
It took us a year and a half to get pregnant with The Cute One, and to even get pregnant with him we had to do things that doctors won't do until The Cute One is weaned. The Cute One is still nursing 4-5 times per day, and we're not going to wean him right now because he still really needs to nurse. So maybe when he's down to just nursing once per day we might talk about weaning him so we can go to the doctor and get those things, but right now The Cute One needs to nurse and we aren't going to rush to wean him.
He's not called The Brain for nothing!
Of course, that's a mouthful to say to every person who decides to bless us with their opinion of what we should do with our lives. But, it seemed to make sense to his grandpa, and maybe it would make sense to other people, too. It's just really personal to be putting out there to everyone who feels the need to say something about it.
I know God has a plan in all this, and I am just trying to trust Him completely. It's hard, though, and I fail as frequently as I succeed.
One day it shall all be made clear. But until then, I will love The Cute One and get ready for The Drama Princess and spend time with The Brain, and just love the little family I've already got.