Saturday, August 7, 2010

Roller Coaster

What's the worst part about trying to have children when you know you most likely can't? Every month is a roller coaster. As Pinky said, you know your cervical fluid; you know when the egg is going to drop. Deep hope.

You gain control of your mind and say, "No, I know I'm not going to get pregnant this month." BUT when you know that it's the right time, and you and your man go at it...that little thought is planted in the back of your mind. "Maybe this time."

Your cycle continues, and then, as it was this month, it's day 35. Normally, I don't get to day 35. That's a huge sign that...WAHO! This could be...yes, maybe, well, no, I doubt it.

Then, Aunt Dotty arrives, heavy luggage and all. As always(pun not intended, but really funny, since this month I'm using Stay Free...haha). Then, all of the frustrations, sadness, and emotions that go along with it.

Pinky, I feel ya. The worst is when you're trying so hard, and then...someone gets knocked up. Someone calls and tells you they find out the gender of their baby. Someones calls to tell you that they just had their baby.

You are happy for them. You just want that same happiness yourself.

The questions that come from others hurt deeper than most realize. Especially when some people have never even had to think about it...because...they just get pregnant by their husband looking at them. Okay, that's a stretch...but I think you know the ones. Then, they brag about it. I'm Fertile Myrtle. *sigh* Thanks for the reminder, Myrtle. In the words of Kevin James, "Shutty!"

So, while struggling not to be bitter(I'm being honest, here!), I must confess. With friends like Pinky, who are sensitive to those who are trying...I look forward to the day when she may say, "The Cute One and The Drama Princess will have another sibling." What am I working on? Being as happy for the day when people who aren't as sensitive say the same thing.

1 comment:

  1. I love ya, Lucy! I have to work on the same things myself. So now I want to punch Infertility in the balls and knock Aunt Flo's two front teeth out! I am quite violent tonight. I think perhaps I should go to bed...