Roller Coaster

What's the worst part about trying to have children when you know you most likely can't? Every month is a roller coaster. As Pinky said, you know your cervical fluid; you know when the egg is going to drop. Deep inside....you hope.

You gain control of your mind and say, "No, I know I'm not going to get pregnant this month." BUT when you know that it's the right time, and you and your man go at it...that little thought is planted in the back of your mind. "Maybe this time."

Your cycle continues, and then, as it was this month, it's day 35. Normally, I don't get to day 35. That's a huge sign that...WAHO! This could be...yes, maybe, well, no, I doubt it.

Then, Aunt Dotty arrives, heavy luggage and all. As always(pun not intended, but really funny, since this month I'm using Stay Free...haha). Then, all of the frustrations, sadness, and emotions that go along with it.

Pinky, I feel ya. The worst is when you're trying so hard, and then...someone gets knocked up. Someone calls and tells you they find out the gender of their baby. Someones calls to tell you that they just had their baby.

You are happy for them. You just want that same happiness yourself.

The questions that come from others hurt deeper than most realize. Especially when some people have never even had to think about it...because...they just get pregnant by their husband looking at them. Okay, that's a stretch...but I think you know the ones. Then, they brag about it. I'm Fertile Myrtle. *sigh* Thanks for the reminder, Myrtle. In the words of Kevin James, "Shutty!"

So, while struggling not to be bitter(I'm being honest, here!), I must confess. With friends like Pinky, who are sensitive to those who are trying...I look forward to the day when she may say, "The Cute One and The Drama Princess will have another sibling." What am I working on? Being as happy for the day when people who aren't as sensitive say the same thing.

Aunt Dotty

Well, my friend, Pinky, we are in the same boat. The waves are crashing, and we're getting wet with others' spit. I understand completely what you wrote in your last post.

People question. All the time. We've gotten:

"So, when are you and Ricky going to have kids?"

"Do you and Ricky even want kids?"

"Are you and Ricky thinking about having kids?" (As if a brain wave can create a child. Really?!?)

Here's what I'd love to say:

Ricky and I hump like rabbits, but we don't reproduce effectively as they do! There, are you happy now?

Alas, here's what I really say:
"Well, in God's timing."

It is SO easy to get absorbed in your own world. Thoughts about not being able to conceive, when others around you are popping out kids like pastry from a toaster.

The hardest part? We've been trying for three years. Yes, three. So, now, friends are not only done having their first, but they've already had child #2 or are starting on #3 or higher.

Even harder? I have some friends/family who brag about being fertile. That's like bragging to a poor guy on the street that you're a millionaire and walking away without helping him out.

Am I bitter? Yes. People have no idea how they hurt you. Words spoken can't be erased from the heart.

Lesson learned:

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. ~Matthew 7:6

What does this mean in relation to my venting?

I've learned not to share things with people that don't understand/care. I'm not going to throw my valuable reasons for why we can't have children to those who would be judgmental/heartless. So, very few people even know.

Pinky is one of the few who does. I know she keeps that secret locked away and prays daily for us. For that, I am every grateful. Pinky, you are no pig!

SO, to make this post even longer. Here's what God is teaching me:

1. Forgive(it's SO hard).
2. Rejoice with them that rejoice.
3. Weep with them that weep.
4. Do for others and don't focus on self.
5. Pray--a lot!

Why did I title my post "Aunt Dotty"? I'm on the dot. Yes, my period has come--again!

Call Me Lucy

Adventures, laughs, bumps in the road, and everything else that lines up with Lucille Ball, all line up with my life as well. So, you can call me Lucy!

My husband? Of course, Ricky! Do you think I get away with much? Well, normally, I try...but Ricky to the rescue to keep me from trouble. Most of the time. I thank God for him and how he balances out my life. He is my rock, right after my steady Rock(Jesus). He's my best friend and..he-hem, companion. Yeah, he's an awesome guy.

You have already met my friend Pinky and heard about her Brain. Pinky has been such an inspiration to me, as Ricky and I have dealt with being told we may never have children. You see, she's on the other side of the fence now. She's been there, done that, got the t-shirt. So, she's trying to help me find the right size.

Ricky and I have a story that is a little different than Pinky and Brain's. If you were reading closely(some of you are now re-reading above...haha, that's okay!), you noticed that I said we're on different sides of the fence. We don't have one like The Cute One, as we've been hoping and praying for.

We do, however, have a Precious One that awaits us in Heaven: I miscarried. Yes, it was the worst day of my life. We don't have any children, and my arms are aching for a child of my own.

What have I learned from all of this? What am I learning through all of this? That's what I'll be posting about. That and other odds and ends.

I've learned to laugh. A lot. Farts make me laugh. I know, I just offended 22% of our readers, because they think that the word "fart" is crude. Friends, it's okay. The average person farts 16 times a day. So what does all of this have to do with our blog?

Everyone farts. Yet, most people act as if they don't. Don't act like you have NO idea what I'm talking about. You pass a SBD(silent but deadly), and then you turn quickly down the grocery aisle so that the people around you have no clue who shared a free scent.

OR you know a loud cannon is about to erupt, and you squeeze your cheeks together SO tightly, praying that somehow you'll hold the fort down.

You are probably so confused how I'll tie this altogether. Stay with me. You'll see.

Just like farts, we all have stinky parts to our lives. We act like they don't exist, and we struggle to deal with them.

Let your farts go. Others will laugh with you. Trust me on this one!

In this blog, I'm going to let my thoughts, feelings, and experiences go by sharing them with you. Hopefully my blog posts won't stink; I do hope you "hear" them, though.